boobs

Don’t Go To Bourbon Street Sober

Louisiana

Today, we woke up late and went to The Pharmacy Museum in downtown New Orleans. High key, this is the best bang for your buck when talking about New Orleans museum.

After finishing up my work and getting ready to leave on Saturday, I decided to go to the French Quarter to photograph Southern Decadence.

I was out taking photos and this dude started talking to me (check out photos here).

He was not visibly drunk or hitting on me. He told me he was a tour guide with a Cajun accent and his beard did not wrap around his chin. In other words, he looked completely harmless.

This complete stranger asked if he could show me around, with him being a tour guide, I figured I would learn something. He settled in for following me while I took my pictures and pointing at things. Once again, my red flag of supposed womanly intuition did not raise. We were in extreme public and he had yet to even try to touch me.

An hour into our exploration of drunken bodies and alcohol, he had to leave. I thought that was it, but instead he asked for a hug.

It seemed like an acceptable motion between two strangers.

He pulled me in and when I tried to back away, his hand gripped my back. Next thing I know, his head is angling and his eyes close. Again, I try to back away but his grip tightens and he kisses me. My face froze and I just took it.

I’m not sure if it was the shock factor that I did not automatically knee him in his groin but all I did was push him away with force. I turned and walked away as fast as I could while trying to keep what little dignity I felt I didn’t have.

The kiss happened without warning, without me giving any inclination that I wanted him to feel me up. It just happened.

So I had my most uncomfortable and unnecessary kiss of my life in New Orleans.

I ran to Cafe Du Monde after that. I hate men.

At Cafe Du Monde, I ended up hanging out with a local man. He was singing on the side of the street and told me about his life.

singer in new orleans

Street Choir

He was a choir singer at a local New Orleans church but lost his house (I think from Katrina but he was talking so fast, I may not have got it right).

But he sang me church songs, while I sat there getting fat with my beignets.

The beginning of the French Quarter was awkward and filled with stupid horniness and ended with me meeting an interesting man who could sing with all his heart.

I am of firm belief that New Orleans is one crazy, weird city.

coffee shops new orleans

I Spent 2 Days Recovering And Now I’m Ready New Orleans

Louisiana

I have not put out a blog because I truly have not done anything interesting for the past couple of days. Tuesday was me recovering, I put one half-assed article out before passing out and throwing up for the rest of the day. Just call me Glamorous by Fergie, right?

Wednesday was me working. I sat in a coffee shop, working for 8 hours. The coffee helped and gave me an idea for an easy work article.

Thursday, I was about to force myself out of bed and get my friend to accompany on a coffee binder. We explored the drip coffee options in and around New Orleans. Ranking them on a number of issues such as atmosphere, cost, hipsterness, and parking. If you want to read what I wrote about the New Orlean’s coffee scene, look The Best Coffee in New Orleans. Because let me tell you, the parking in New Orleans is crazy stupid. This entire town has transportation issues up the wazhoo.

But we went to about 5 different shops before I started getting sick from all the coffee. Jp and I hung around Who Dat Coffee Shop (my favorite in the area).

We ended up going over everything from the past 3 years. So here is the tea. Jp, stopped talking to me because his ex was jealous of our relationship. This wouldn’t have been bad except I introduced them and both were supposed to be some of my best friends. The girl had also tried to get with my ex (while I was with him) but you know she wasn’t a bad person, she high key just needed someone stable there for her. Short story, this was the first time talking in years. He apologized and we moved on.

It was like no time had passed.

The rest of the day, I was online writing and working. I tried to explore some of the city but honestly the roads kept me away. There also has not been a day when that hasn’t been any rain. When people said it never stops raining in New Orleans, it wasn’t a lie. Also, fuck Katrina. 

I never knew the damage that had happened. To me it was just an enigma that had happened on the news. It is so odd to see the aftermath or hear the stories from people.

The x’s on the wall are from when rescuers where looking for survivors. The top number are the people alive and needing help.

The bottom number are the amount dead. They had to write it and come back later.

The city is still scarred and people are still talking about seeing death, rape, and other horrible things in the Superdome.

Since then, it is now my firm belief that New Orleans has become one of the first anarchist cities in the U.S. The police, don’t care. The government is apparently so corrupted, people have given up.

New Orleans Travel

Day 5: The Time I Accidentally Walked Into A Strip Club In New Orleans

Louisiana

New Orleans, a city that is supposed to be a party in a city. I met up with one of my friend’s, JP, there. A little background over our friendship, we were best friends till about 4 years ago when a girl made him choose between him and I. This is our first hangout and even long conversation since then. Totally weird and I went into the situation unsure of what would happen.

But it ended up feeling like there was no time between then and now.

We ended up going to Felipe’s, Museum of Death, and Museum of Voodoo.

“I’ve lived here for 11 months and haven’t done this much stuff in one day.”

We then went back to his place and he smoked while we waiting to go out to the iconic Bourbon Street.

(NSFW moments from here on out, I’m looking at you mom)

The rest of the night was out of a movie it felt like.

We grabbed our first gallon drink and I saw a cabaret. Let me start by saying that I have never been to anything like that. I imagined walking into a Christina Aguilera-themed burlesque show.

Well, we had to chug our drinks and JP needed to smoke. I don’t ever smoke. It makes me anxious and I over analyze every move I make. I went into a bar blaring music that allowed us outside drinks in. The music was decent but then I spotted stairs. Whenever I see stairs I have to go up them.

We ended up finding an empty upstairs bar and we went out to the balcony. GET THIS, he lit up overlooking Bourbon Street. Standing there we drank, he smoked, and we judged the people walking below us. Peasants, am I right? (just kidding)

Once finished, we went to the cabaret. Okay, like I said, I thought I was about to enter a carnival-esque wonderland where females are praised for their bodies.

THAT WAS A HARD NO

It was a strip club. Like a strip club with naked people. I sat there with my mouth open. I accidentally walked into a strip club and JP thought it was the funniest thing.

“I thought you just wanted the full Bourbon St. experience.”

After another drink I started appreciating the dancers for what they were doing.

It wasn’t until men began lining the stage and the girls put on shows for them. It turned from an art form to sleaze real fast and we chugged our drinks (#2) and left.

Going in and out of bars with music, we were just trying to find one that vibed with us. I even bought a fishbowl because I wanted to have the full experience.

We walked into the Cat’s Meow, a karaoke bar that we saw on the second floor balcony. This was the best decision we could have made. I prepared myself for knocking off another bucket list item of singing in front of strangers. I ended up taking double shots before and after getting on stage.

Like any good bar movie, I then met a bunch of ladies in the restroom.

I can now say, I formed a girl pack and that is the greatest form of feminism I could do in New Orleans. I signed up for another song, had a couple shots paid for me and next thing I know, my super social and networking self popped out. Whenever you take me out and I start drinking, I turn into the most social person you will ever meet.

“You Give Love A Bad Name”, came on and I pulled all these girls on stage. We sang and danced to Bon Jovi like we were a Russian girl group.

We left the bar and went to a place to dance and I had a dance off with strangers in a crowded bar.

I feel like I could end the post and it would still be the traditional let’s get messed up New Orleans night. But we ended up getting lost for like an hour trying to get food. In this hour, we have the talk. Basically a drunken cry on my part about how I lost his friendship because of a girl and how we missed each other.

Lame but it needed to happen and what better time than with homeless people surrounding you lost in New Orleans at 3 a.m.

Whenever there was an open door, I walked through it and I introduced myself to every single person I met on the street. I wanted to know everyone’s story.

We finally made it to Daisy Duke’s, a 24-hour diner. After eating food while watching Parks and Rec…

(Technically I’m homeless…..)

We jammed out to emo music and I passed out the second I laid down. Overall, it was one of those nights that I want to remember.